Disorder in the American Courts

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

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Question : What is your date of birth?
Answer : July 15th.
Question : What year?
Answer : Every year.

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Question : Were you present when your picture was taken?

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Question : The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

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Question : How was your first marriage terminated?
Answer : By death.
Question : And by whose death was it terminated?

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Question : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
Answer : No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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Question : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Answer : Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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Question : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
Answer : He said, "Where am I Cathy?"
Question : And why did that upset you?
Answer : My name is Susan.

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Question : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Answer : Yes.
Question : And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Answer : I forget.
Question : You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

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Question : All your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Answer : Oral.

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Question : She had three children, right?
Answer : Yes.
Question : How many were boys?
Answer : None.
Question : Were there any girls?

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Question : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Answer : Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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Question : Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Answer : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

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Question : Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Answer : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Question : And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
Answer : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

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Question : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Answer : No.
Question : Did you check for blood pressure?
Answer : No.
Question : Did you check for breathing?
Answer : No.
Question : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Answer : No.
Question : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Answer : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Question : But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Answer : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

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These are just a few and if by chance you are a lawyer, think before you ask your next question - Grin : )

True Friends – Why are they rare?

Thoughts fly through my mind and I wonder sometimes why it is that true friends are hard to find. Have you every wondered that?

Well as I thought about this question there was some things that came to mind. One of those was; “what is a true friend?” and “what would a true friend look like?”

A true friend would have your best interest at heart and would be a person who could hold you accountable for your actions. What! Accountability? That hurts! I am accountable to NO one! Isn’t that true?

As my teenage daughter would say; “NOT!” Ultimately I am accountable and I will give an account one day. But for today, a true friend is one who knows your weaknesses and holds you accountable about what you are doing in regards to those weaknesses.

That is why true friends are hard to find. We personally do not want to be accountable to someone who has our best interest at heart because we want those around us to think that we have it all together and that we have no weaknesses.

People, people, people, we don’t have a monopoly on making all the right decisions. We all make poor decisions and the outcomes they produce many times reveal our shortcomings and our weaknesses. A true friend would be one who knows us and about the time we are going to make decisions would call us into account and correct us so that those outcomes, which are mostly bad, do not come about but they help re-think and with re-thinking, decisions are modified and the outcomes more enjoyable.

That is why I think they are few; it is because we do want to reveal our weaknesses or faults to others. A true friend loves the person even if we are frogs in disguise and will hold us accountable and ask the hard questions we do not want to hear.

Oh to have a friend that will only praise! But then I ask; what value is that to me? I need someone who is free to point out my warts as well as my beauty. I need someone to not only to praise the “beauty” but also to hold the “beast” accountable.

Remember what you think, influences your decisions and those decisions determine the outcomes. A friend will call into question your thinking…before they become bad decisions.

The Thrill Is Gone -- NOT, 28 years Strong!

The Thrill Is Gone by BB King

The thrill is gone
The thrill is gone away
The thrill is gone baby
The thrill is gone away
You know you done me wrong baby
And you'll be sorry someday

The thrill is gone
It's gone away from me
The thrill is gone baby
The thrill is gone away from me
Although I'll still live on
But so lonely I'll be

The thrill is gone
It's gone away for good
Oh, the thrill is gone baby
Baby its gone away for good
Someday I know I'll be over it all baby
Just like I know a man should

You know I'm free, free now baby
I'm free from your spell
I'm free, free now
I'm free from your spell
And now that it's over
All I can do is wish you well

Runescape

A Game that can consume Your time!

I have found a game in which (if you ask my wife) has consumed much of my time. It is a fairly interesting game but please take it from me, it will get more interesting the more you play it. And the more you play it the more time it consumes.

I will have "WILL" power and limit my time each day, so I must end this blog....Time to PLAY!

A Month Has Gone By

Well let me first state many things have happened since the last time I posted. What has transpired over the last 35 days I cannot contain in one Blog. So let me try to hit the highlights (or in some cases the lowlights).

Highlights:

1. My daughter who I love has now turned 18 and is a sophomore in College.
   
2. She is doing well and is enjoying every minute of it (well not the ponding).
   
3. I have made it through another Christmas.
   
4. I woke up this morning (as I have done for the past 35 days)!
   
5. My life has been full many of the days, and not so full others.
   
6. My wife still loves me (though I do not know why).
   
7. I still have a job.
   

Many good things have happened. Yet in the midst of all this some things have really taken my breath away.

Lowlights.

1. In the past 35 days some of my friends have died.
   
2. A young 17 year old friend of my daughters was killed in a car accident.
   
3. Another friend of hers was diagnosed with cancer.
   

The Good Lord never said life would always be easy, or without sadness. Grief would be ours like all of humanity. We would suffer losses. But what he did say was that he would never leave us or forsake us. Trust in that Thomas! Though the last few days have been a little dark for me and others here in Boerne God has not lost control.

God Bless,
Bluesman

Wings Like Eagles

Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary. — Isaiah 40:31

Modern Revivalism

Spurgeon voiced his concerns for his age, and they echo my concern with our own:

"Sometimes we are inclined to think that a very great portion of modern revivalism has been more a curse than a blessing, because it has led thousands to a kind of peace before they have known their misery; restoring the prodigal to the Father's house, and never making him say, 'Father, I have sinned.' How can he be healed who is not sick? or he be satisfied with the bread of life who is not hungry? The old-fashioned sense of sin is despised, and consequently a religion is run up before the foundations are dug out. Everything in this age is shallow. Deep-sea fishing is almost an extinct business so far as men's souls are concerned. The consequence is that men leap into religion, and then leap out again. Unhumbled they come to the church, unhumbled they remained in it, and unhumbled they go from it."

Serious Concerns on PDL

In the course of the Purpose-Driven Life video presentations, Rick Warren makes some very questionable assertions. I believe his most flagrant error is his statement that; “that if Christians fail in their duty to evangelize, there will be people who are not in heaven who should have been there.” This is a direct challenge to the biblical concept of God and if this statement is true, then that implies that the Lord will not be able to save some people who “should have been!” Does Mr. Warren realize the implications of this statement? A few moments of serious reflection will convince any thinking Christian that this conclusion presents a seriously distorted view of God and the Biblical doctrine of Salvation. This view cannot be squared with Scripture and is as dangerous as it is flawed.

If we accept that Mr. Warren is correct in his view, then God is not the almighty sovereign of the universe that the Bile depicts. God is not in control of anything and is at the mercy of creatures that owe their very existence to Him. Far from being the “Author of our Salvation”, the omnipotent, loving Savior who is worthy of the believer’s complete trust, Jesus Christ is a wretched, frail figure that cannot be relied upon to get anyone to heaven. If the failure of finite human beings can actually derail God’s plan of salvation, then how can He be trusted for anything else?

If the salvation of lost sinners is reliant upon the faithfulness of other sinners, how secure can any Christian be? How can we trust God for divine help in the trials and temptations of daily life if His best efforts can be trumped by the failure of the very creatures He is wanting to help? The concept of God that Warren gives us, knowingly or not, is calculated not to encourage faith, but to undermine it. This unscriptural notion is inconsistent with everything the Bible reveals to us concerning the character of God and how He interacts with the people He has created. Any assertion that undermines the character of God undermines the confidence of those who are trusting in Him. It strikes at the very heart of revealed religion by weakening the foundation of the divine-human relationship. An individual’s relationship to God depends upon that person’s response to Him, not what other people do or fail to do. It maybe that Mr. Warren was just careless with his words here, but that does not make the implication of what he said any the less dangerous.

The “Author of Life” is not in any way at the mercy of fallen human beings, and thank God for that! All of the nations are as a drop in a bucket compared to God; He does what He pleases in the heavens. The Lord is sovereign in His universe and can be relied upon to bring every one of the precious souls His Son died for safely home to heaven. All those who “should be there” will be.

“13 Just as it is written, ‘Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.’ 14 What shall we say then? There is no injustice with God, is there? May it never be! 15 For He says to Moses, ‘I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.’ 16 So then it does not depend on the man who wills or the man who runs, but on God who has mercy. 17 For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, ‘For this very purpose I raised you up, to demonstrate My power in you, and that My name might be proclaimed throughout the whole earth.’ 18 So then He has mercy on whom He desires, and He hardens whom He desires. 19 You will say to me then, ‘Why does He still find fault? For who resists His will?’ 20 On the contrary, who are you, O man, who answers back to God? The thing molded will not say to the molder, ‘Why did you make me like this,’ will it? 21 Or does not the potter have a right over the clay, to make from the same lump one vessel for honorable use, and another for common use?" - Romans 9:13-21

Sad Day In Boerne

Well its a sad day in Boerne, even the weather seems to go along with the feeling of the town. One might ask, "What has caused this dreariness, this gloom to settle over our small town?" Well it has happened, the unthinkable, the mighty, mighty Greyhounds of Boerne lost!

Even though we lost our boys have nothing to be ashamed of. They fought hard and they never gave up. The boys of Boerne have a winners heart, just not the trophy. The Greyhounds are still "Number 1" in the hearts of the fans here in this South Texas town of Boerne.

It's Playoff Time Again!!!!

The Mighty Greyhounds of Boerne are in the state semifinals! We face the Marshall Mavericks. THIS should be a great game! It's crunch time! Can we do it? CAN WE DO IT? Well as the lttle engine said - We can make it - we can make it - we can make it!

Go Greyhounds!

See Shadow Run

See Papi.
      See reves plaisants.
            See Shadow.
See Shadow run.
      Run Shadow. Run, run, run.
            Look, look, look. See, see, see.
See Shadow run.
Run, run, run.

I am Iron Man!

I am Iron Man!

Has he lost his mind?
Can he see or is he blind?
Can he walk at all,
Or if he moves will he fall?

Is he alive or dead?
Has he thoughts within his head?
We'll just pass him there
Why should we even care?

He was turned to steel
In the great magnetic field,
Where he traveled time
For the future of mankind.

Nobody wants him....
He just stares at the world....
Planning his vengeance....
That he will soon unfold.

Now the time is here
For Iron Man to spread fear,
Vengeance from the grave
Kills the people he once saved.

Nobody wants him
They just turn their heads,
Nobody helps him
Now he has his revenge!

Heavy boots of lead
Fills his victims full of dread,
Running as fast as they can
Iron Man lives again!

Software Woes - Wife 1.0

An Email from a frantic user to tech support!

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Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,

A Troubled User.

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REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings on Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3.0 This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

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Smile it's Monday!

How Things Change

This weekend I really saw my little girl, not as I remembered but how she is today.

This is how I remembered her :P

I went to pick her up from college and wow, how things changed. She has grow up into a beautiful young lady :P

You will never realize the shock on my face when I thought where have the years gone! But our little ones grow up and we have to allow them to start making their own choices.

Just remember it is not always easy

Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it. — Proverbs 22:6

Great Country Song

I'm Gonna Miss Her

Well I love her
And I love to fish
I spend all day out on this lake
And hell is all I catch
Today she met me at the door
Said I would have to choose
If I hit that fishin hole today
She'd be packin all her things
And she'd be gone by noon

Chorus

Well I'm gonna miss her
When I get home
But right now I'm on the lake shore
And I'm sittin in the sun
I'm sure it'll hit me
When I walk through that door tonight
That I'm gonna miss her
Oh, lookie there, I've got a bite

Now there's a chance if I hurry
I could beg her to stay
But that water's right
And the weather's perfect
No tellin' what I might catch today

Chorus

Well I'm gonna miss her
When I get home
But right now I'm on the lake shore
And I'm sittin in the sun
I'm sure it'll hit me
When I walk through that door tonight
That I'm gonna miss her
Oh, lookie there, I've got a bite

Greyhounds 33 - Vikings 7

Well we have made history! The Boerne Greyhounds have made it past the second round. We will be playing next week for the final of Division I and if we progress beyond it we will be in the quarter finals for state! Go Greyhounds!

Friday Night Football - Round 2

Here in the state of Texas High School Football playoffs reigns supreme. Many will travel 100 + miles to watch their local teams play and I will be one of them. The mighty mighty Greyhounds are going into the second week of the playoffs we we face Austin Lanier. Should be a great game and hopefully the Greyhounds will win! All we can do is hope and be like the little train and keep in our minds, "I think we can...I think we can!"

GO GREYHOUNDS! GO GREYHOUNDS! GO GREYHOUNDS! GO GREYHOUNDS!

Sunday - Thoughts

I was pondering in my mind; "What is it that God wants from me, so I turned to the Psalms and was reading chapter 51 which was Davids prayer of repentence and came across verse 17, and I thought, that it! Thats what He wants "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O God, Thou wilt not despise."

Then I thought what kind of sacrifice does he want from me? Paul answered that in Romans 12:1-2 "1 I urge you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. 2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."

In the end I thought ok......how do I perform this, then words of Christ came to my mind;

24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. 25 For whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake shall find it. 26 For what will a man be profited, if he gains the whole world, and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?" - Matthew 16:24-26