Disorder in the American Courts

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

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Question : What is your date of birth?
Answer : July 15th.
Question : What year?
Answer : Every year.

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Question : Were you present when your picture was taken?

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Question : The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

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Question : How was your first marriage terminated?
Answer : By death.
Question : And by whose death was it terminated?

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Question : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
Answer : No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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Question : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Answer : Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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Question : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
Answer : He said, "Where am I Cathy?"
Question : And why did that upset you?
Answer : My name is Susan.

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Question : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Answer : Yes.
Question : And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Answer : I forget.
Question : You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

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Question : All your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Answer : Oral.

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Question : She had three children, right?
Answer : Yes.
Question : How many were boys?
Answer : None.
Question : Were there any girls?

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Question : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Answer : Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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Question : Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Answer : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

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Question : Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Answer : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Question : And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
Answer : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

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Question : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Answer : No.
Question : Did you check for blood pressure?
Answer : No.
Question : Did you check for breathing?
Answer : No.
Question : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Answer : No.
Question : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Answer : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Question : But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Answer : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

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These are just a few and if by chance you are a lawyer, think before you ask your next question - Grin : )